From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
