She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
