ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
