What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize