no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
