Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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