So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
