My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We are all done wearing pants today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
