Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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