the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She bit a glass in half.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
