I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
