Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
