Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
