i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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