you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
