i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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