her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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