You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
