im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
