and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
