who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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