oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
