Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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