I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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