idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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