Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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