Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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