its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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