Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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