And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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