Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
