Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
