Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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