just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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