dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
