even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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