the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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