hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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