The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
