if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
