if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
