You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
