did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
