i'm lost and i look like a hooker
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
