Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize