Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
