OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
