Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
