We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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