he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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