i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
