Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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