I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
