Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
