I CAN MOONWALK!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize