I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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