I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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