You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize