haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
That's intense
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
