She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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