My room smells like vodka and shame
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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