don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
