I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
