my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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