have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize