He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize