after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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