I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
