i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
