how can u be prego again
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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