Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
