im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
