I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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