This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
