some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
