So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize