Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize