we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
