$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize