I need help removing her.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize