it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
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