A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
