anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Sorry about my life...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
