No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
