On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
