I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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