im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
