I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So much Jack, so little girl.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
