Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
