I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
