Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
