last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
