Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You made out with two different species that night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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