god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
