Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
