When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
