The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
