My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You're earring is so big in my mouth
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
