either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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