I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
