I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
