Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
