Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I love you. Go after that dick
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
