to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
