he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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