I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize