My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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