Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
