so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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