i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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