you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
