No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
