they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize