When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Randomize
