K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
