see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
