Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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