My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
These tits shall not be calmed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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