Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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